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Jacco Had a Response to My Snarkiness

You might remember my post from last week where I gave Jacco (everyone’s favourite pale imitation of Hagar the Horrible) the business for “working” the weekend on a Spanish Island.

Here’s his response:

jaccoresponse

Fair enough, Jacco.  Fair enough.

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WTF: Britain’s Got (Rectal) Talent

This got passed over to me by one of my colleagues, Denise. For what it’s worth, Denise is also the same one who ate this truly horrifying lunch.

I don’t even know what to say here, really.

I’m always a little amazed when people take the time and effort to make this kind of shit, not to mention doing it as well as they have. Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s hilarious. And one can’t help but admire her anal elasticity. I just don’t quite understand how someone has this much time on their hands.

I wish I knew who the model is so I could give her a plug. If you know, tell me in the comments.

Until then, pass it along.

EDIT: One of our favourite Twitter followers, @WoodsyLovesPorn, let us know that this is, in fact, Hot Kinky Jo.

Thanks for that, Woodsy!

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Office Shenanigans: Worst Lunch EVAR!!1

Strange things are afoot at the Your Choice canteen.  I found this abomination on the counter a few minutes ago.

lunch

Rotten banana and bread. Worst lunch ever.

This is, in a word, horrifying. It’s the kind of lunch I’d expect from a North Korean prison.

See, the porn life isn’t as glamorous as it seems.

For the record, I don’t think anyone actually ate this, but I can’t be certain. All I know is that I got a laugh out of it.

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Free Hardcore Trailer: Please Make Me Lesbian #10 w/ Lily Carter and Zoey Holloway

Let me tell you a little story about this series first.

My office mate, Malte, and I were screening some Girlfriends films just before Christmas.  We were scheduled to have an office party later in the day, and we both had a case of the fuck-its.  We weren’t getting much work done.

Anyway, we were watching one of the Please Make Me Lesbian movies, and we got completely sucked in to the stories.  I’m not even kidding.  We started skipping the sex scenes just so we could get back to the story!

Of course, the sex scenes are great, but we’re office mates and it would have been kind of weird to just start tugging our junk right then and there.  So that might have led to our concentrating on the stories.  Either way, we were highly entertained and you will be too.

In case you’re not familiar, almost all of the GFF movies are set in the fictional town of Thornhill.  Inexplicably filled with conniving, backstabbing, lesbian bitches and innocent young girls ripe for the picking, the little dramas and sometimes taboo sex play out against a fun and occasionally hilarious backdrop.

Please Make Me Lesbian #10 is kind of the perfect example of what to expect from the series, and GFF in general.  The full cast list includes: Dana DeArmond, Danica Dillon, Zoey Holloway, Lily Carter, Sensi Pearl, Raylene, and Lily Carter

Zoey Holloway is amazing and plays the role of the scheming older women as well (or better) than anyone.  Get your own copy of the full-length show here.

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I Fucking Quit!

I’m tired of this blog.  I’m tired of porn.  I hate you all!

Well, okay.  That’s not really true.

I’m just going on vacation for a little while.  Hopefully, Jacco and Malte will keep you company in my absence.

I have actually set up some posts that will be going live over the next couple of weeks- some polls and free porn trailers and the like.

In the meantime, enjoy the transition to autumn, and don’t bother trying to contact me.  I’ll be drunk somewhere.

For now, here’s a HippoCrab.  You DO NOT want to get an infestation of these bastards in your pubes.  Trust me on that.

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Office Shennanigans: Sampling Dog Treats

So I just finished a press release for next week and I went to the kitchen to get a snack.  I opened the cupboard and found some dog treats.

For the record, we actually do have a dog in the office most days.  Our fearless leader (the company owner) brings in her Cocker Spaniel, Max, on days when she comes into the office.  So it’s not like we just have dog treats randomly laying around for no good reason.

Now, back when I had a dog, I used to be quite fond of testing out his snacks.  I think it’s mainly because we’d actually buy things that looked not only tasty to dogs, but to humans as well.  Most of these were of some “jerky” variety or another.  Most of them weren’t bad either and were certainly would certainly be worth eating during some sort of apocalyptic calamity (or just when I’m hungover, there’s nothing in the fridge, and I can’t be bothered to do shopping).

Anyway, so there I am staring at these dog treats and I think, “Why the hell not?  Where’s my sense of adventure?”

This succession of photos tells the story pretty well:

The last photo is of me trying to swallow this strangely textured mass.  It didn’t happen and like a porn actress in the wrong profession, I spit it out.

Describing the taste is difficult.  I can say I think I’d rather eat sand, though.  Even paint flavoured sand would be better.

See!?  Isn’t the porn business exciting?

-Scottie Mac

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Office Shenanigans – Our Private Pirate

Life in the porn biz isn’t always exciting.  Don’t get me wrong.  We love our jobs and have a ton of fun.  There are tedious moments though.

For instance, barring a few very trusted studios and directors (e.g. Evil Angel and Ben Dover) we watch everything before we decide whether or not to sell it.  It plays into our guarantee which says that you can return any movie for any reason.  In other words, we don’t ask customers to sift through piles and piles of sub-standard porn.  We do that for you and only the best of the best make it through our screening process.

Sometimes, screening all these movies can suck out loud, especially when you get into a stack of 10 or so that ALL stink.  In moments like this, you try to find ways to entertain yourself since the porn isn’t doing the job.

Thus, our Private Pirate was born.

Sophieevansprivatepirate

This is a promotional cardboard standup from Private of Sophie Evans, a Hungarian porn star who was mostly active in the late 90’s and early 00’s.  As true international sex stars go (which are far and few between), she was up at the highest levels.

Over the past couple of months, Sophie has been slowly transformed from a Private-Euro-Glamour-Slut to a salty pirate; the result of watching bad porn so you don’t have to do it!

-Scottie Mac